Ages are coming,
Roll on and vanish,
Children shall follow
Where fathers passed...
          (pilgrim's song, B.S. Ingemann)

What is the significance of a man's life? Many men have lived and died. Some of them were good fathers; some were kindly toward others; unselfish in most of their actions. A few dedicated their lives to a worthwhile cause. Some of these have gone through a lot of struggle, both within themselves and with other people to try to remain true to that cause. Pain and anguish of heart are part of the human experience, but those who struggle often seem to get more than their share.

And so, in the end, we all die, to be forgotten by most; eventually even by the monument every father leaves: his descendents. Is there anything redeeming, or worthy of remembering?

Daddy always had trouble with his name. To most of us living outside the southern US where he was born in 1924, Carroll sounds like a girl's name. To some it even looks like a girl's name. When he moved to the north, and entered junior high school in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, he was assigned to a girls' gym class. It was so embarrassing to be laughed at by all those girls. As a result, all of his sons (there are 6 of us) have names that are clearly masculine. And all his daughters (there are 5 of them) have feminine names. Daddy no longer has difficulties, with his name, or anything else.

He was five when the Great Depression struck. As with most of his generation, this was one of the defining influences of his childhood and youth. He was just an ordinary kid growing up in the United States. He was fifteen at the outbreak of the Second World War, and two months short of eighteen when the US entered the conflict.

Despite a socialist father who saw war primarily as a means for the rich to oppress the poor, Daddy volunteered for military flight school. He was not good enough, failing the pilot's exam, and this probably saved his life. Most of his more capable classmates saw their first action shortly after graduating, in the Battle of the Coral Sea. And most were killed.

He did pass as a flight navigator, and was sent to Europe, based in Italy after it fell to the Allies. Daddy longed for peace and justice, and his conscience told him that these are not achieved by killing. His war experiences were many - good, bad, miraculous, commonplace. But as the Allied forces pressed inexorably toward the destruction of Germany and its war machine, there was a parallel battle going on in Daddy's mind and heart. Battle is perhaps not the best way to describe it. Maybe the struggle to forge a bridge between what is, and what should be, is a more accurate way to see it. It is a struggle common to us all, but the dedication to this struggle varies greatly.

Daddy waged this struggle long and hard. This is, I believe, what gives significance to his life. He was not a leader among men; rather he cut and chamfered many wooden blocks for children, bound many books and washed many dishes, but he did not leave his signature on any of these. He raised all of us children, and he did leave his signature in our hearts. His mark remains: that struggle to forge a way from what is to what should be. It is a battle against the worst killer of all: apathy.

Carroll & Doris and their children

Reader, this mark is in your heart too, whether you acknowledge it or not. You may or may not have had a father who underlined it boldly. Ultimately this aspect does not matter. What matters is that it is there. It matters whether you struggle, and how hard you struggle. If you do, your life will have significance. What's more, the peace and joy that triumphed more and more in Daddy's last years may be given to you as well.

Daddy, is this ok what I wrote about you? I know you didn't think highly of your life and what you did, and I have no wish to portray you as more than you are: an ordinary man and a beloved brother, husband and father. But Daddy, I realize more and more how much I am your son. Your struggles continue in me, sometimes with a vengeance. If it is seemly, put in a word for me that things turn out the way they should.